So, I'm feeling hopeful again, though that's probably a bad idea for me. I've been looking at some grad programs online, and (though I'm not sure we can afford grad school) I'm feeling hopeful. Like I could have a second shot at figuring out what to do with myself. I keep thinking "what should I do?" What should I become?

And wierdly enough, I'm thinking I might like to be a librarian. Is that ridiculous?

Maybe.

It is expensive. That I know.

I made some canvases, and I have an achingly beautiful picture in my mind that I want to paint. this last fall, after a few frosts, the plants dying, one plant struck me as strangely beautiful. All the leaves were dead, seed pods just husks, stems bent down by the weight of dead foliage. And yet, one small pink flower bloomed. It was one last desperate attempt. It was the last bloom, I think. I want to paint it. We'll see how it goes.

Funny thing--there is a painting I painted in college that I think is so horribly average that I have been embarassed of putting it in my mom's salon. My quest for funds for the 3-day walk made me dig it out of my closet to try and sell. Seriously, the small Piece O' Crap is what everyone at the salon has been commenting on! Why that? Why the mediocrity? Why? Confuses me. Also makes me think that perhaps I should try less. Hm....

So, what should I do with my life? Help me!