Today I was chatting with one of my co-workers, bemoaning how I'd love to lose a couple pounds, but for whatever reason (the chips or the cheesecake?) I just can't get rid of those last pesky pounds before my "ideal weight" (a weight that I really don't like, but that I think is possible, whereas my "ideal ideal weight" makes others laugh).

My co-worker took my hand, gave me a concerned look, and (again) explained to me the REAL REASON I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT. This according to my co-worker (who claims to have read it in a nationally renowned magazine, but simply can't remember which one):

The average person should poop AT LEAST three times a day. However, the average person only poops one time a day, or less. Therefore, the extra feces backs up in our systems, creating what appears to be "fat" around our midsections (think muffintops).

Got a beer belly? Jeans won't fit? Looking slightly preggers after downing a whole cheesecake with a doritos chaser? The problem is simply backed up poop, sitting in your stomach, intestines, and who knows where else! If only we were less stressed, drank more fluids, and worked out more (I don't know how that last one applies to the problem), we could release the extra fecal matter from our bodies and lose all that weight that stubbornly refuses to leave our bodies.

Feeling a little fat after the glut of winter holidays? People, rise up and solve your problems (or perhaps I should say sit down?)! Just poop!